you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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