She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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