I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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