I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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