hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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