Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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