God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
