I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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