I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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