She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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