there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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