I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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