Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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