You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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