I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
