we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
