is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
