I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
