He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
