Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
