You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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