he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
