If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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