no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
