you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
