Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
