I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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