i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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