it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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