Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
