1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
