Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
