my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
