it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
