Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
