Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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