So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
