No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
