i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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