i need an iv and a liver transplant
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
