I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
