Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
