life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
