my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
