i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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