i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
