I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
