ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
