my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
