just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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